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So every year I participate in something called the DoubleShot Festival, wherein playwrights such as myself are given a topic at 9 PM Friday night and expected to turn in a one-act play at 8 AM the following morning, which is then rehearsed and performed that night. A new fully produced play in less than 24 hours!
The topic this year was "History's bitch! Or the problem with being so damn modern."
So, in honor of the new Indiana Jones movie (which I didn't really like and hadn't seen when I wrote this), here's the play I came up with:
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF REALLY SERIOUS, FANTASTICALLY OVERWHELMING, RIDICULOUSLY DANGEROUS DOOM
By Brent Hartinger
SETTING: (It is an ancient temple. A golden idol sits on a pedestal.)
AT RISE: (The music to the Indiana Jones movies plays. INDIANA JONES enters (wearing a leather jacket, khaki pants, brown shoes, a safari hat, and a coiled whip at his waist). As the music continues to play, he creeps to the pedestal, glancing cautiously around. Once at the pedestal, he pulls a small bag of sand from his jacket. He looks between the bag and the idol, scratching his chin thoughtfully. He lifts the bag of sand, pours a little out, all the while gauging its weight with his hand. When he thinks it’s about the same weight as the idol, he lifts it next to the idol, then quickly snatches the idol with one hand while replacing it with the bag of sand with the other; the pedestal is rigged to release a trap the moment the idol is removed, but bag of the sand will hopefully keep the trap in check. Indiana glances around, expecting the worse, but nothing happens. He has succeeded in capturing the idol! The music swells. Note: this is all taken from the opening sequence of Raiders of the Lost Ark).
INDIANA JONES: Yes!
(Pleased by his success, he turns to go. But that moment, BOKLAVA VON SNIPE enters from the opposite side. A villainess of the highest order, she is dressed all in black, holds a riding crop, and speaks with a thick accent of indeterminate origin. Note: it is impossible to camp up this role too much!)
BOKLAVA: Not so fast, Dr. Jones!
(Indiana whirls in surprise.)
SFX: the music fades out.
INDIANA JONES: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Boklava Snipe.
BOKLAVA: At last ve meet again!
INDIANA JONES: What do you want, Boklava?
(She waves her riding crop, perhaps seductively.)
BOKLAVA: Vhat do you think? I vant the idol, of course.
INDIANA JONES: Well, you can’t have it! This thing belongs in a museum, and that’s exactly where I’m taking it.
(He puts the idol in his jacket pocket and turns to go. Boklava speaks, stopping him.)
BOKLAVA: But you still need to get out of this temple, Dr. Jones. And there are certain, shall ve say...traps still to be evaded! But just say the vord, and I’ll show you the safe vay out. In exchange for the golden idol, of course!
INDIANA JONES: No chance, Boklava! There’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve already gotten past the pit trap, the giant rolling ball trap, and the toasted s’mores trap...
BOKLAVA: Oh, but those vere all mere trifles compared to this last challenge!
INDIANA JONES: What challenge?
ANDREA (from off-stage): Indiana? Indiana Jones?
BOKLAVA (dramatically): The Challenge...of the Potentially Pissed-Off Girlfriend!
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